- Gf: babe come over
- Me: I'm eating garlic bread
- Gf: I'm horny and my parents aren't home
- Me: it's the kind that's covered in cheese
"no" is too serious
"nope" is too casual
"nah" is just right
"Did you kill this man?" "Nah"
the arctic monkeys look like a 50s gang and im afraid they’re going to come out of the shadows one night and rhythmically snap their fingers at me
I’m like 25% funny and 85% bad at math
*wakes up from coma* “tell me I dont have a unibrow”
90% of the characters i love
- are assholes
- are dead
- are both an asshole and dead
- Alec: "Oh, God, I'm a cliché. Why do I care? If Dad decides he hates me because I'm not straight, he's not worth the pain, right?"
- Jace: "Don't look at me. My adoptive father was a mass murderer. And I still worried about what he thought."